Strategic Wander

Infinite Happiness: Books That Remind Me of My Travels

No matter where I travel (as long as it’s an overnight trip), I always find a book to remember my experience. So, for example, after I went to San Francisco, California in 2019, I picked up a copy of Mr. Monk Goes to Germany by Lee Goldberg because the story takes place in San Francisco. However, the connection doesn’t have to be that obvious. The author could be from there. For instance, I have The Road by Cormac McCarthy because he’s from Providence, RI, which I visited in 2018. Sometimes, finding a connection is tricky. Like when I visited Koppang, Norway, a small town with a bit over 1,000 people. Nevertheless, I do the best I can, and over the years, I’ve created a collection that never fails to make me smile.

My Favorite Travel-Inspired Books

Mr. Monk Goes to Germany by Lee Goldberg

San Francisco, California — There are a lot of uncertainties in life, but this I’m sure of: Monk—the book and TV series—hold a special place in my heart. If you haven’t read (or watched) any of Adrian Monk’s OCD-filled adventures, you should. In this story, Mr. Monk, a former detective, now a consultant for the San Francisco Police Department, suffers from a seriously horrific case of OCD, follows his psychiatrist to Germany after failing to function without him.

That said, my fondness for Monk comes from more than this specific book. In reality, the entire series acted as my safe space before I even knew I had OCD. Looking back, that’s probably why I was drawn to it. Not only was Monk always a guaranteed laugh, but it also showed me that you can be successful even when your brain is doing everything in its power to turn life against you.

Will and Testament: A Novel by Vigdis Hjorth

Norway — Sometimes, I’m drawn more to the story behind the book than I am about the story within it. This is the case with Will and Testament: A Novel (Verso Fiction) by Vigdis Hjorth. After visiting Norway in the Winter of 2018, I struggled to find a book that I could connect to Koppang, so I zoomed out and focused on Norway as a whole. At first, I wanted Growth of the Soil, a novel by Knut Hamsun that won him the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1920, but ended up with Hjorth’s book because of the sensation it caused in Norway. Nevertheless, it’s a fantastic read that dives into trauma and memory as well as a furious account of a woman’s struggle to survive and be believed.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

Sweden — Ask me what my favorite book is, and I’ll always tell you that it’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, a Swedish journalist, and writer. Every. Single. Time. I like the entire Millennium trilogy, but Larsson’s first book takes the cake. If you haven’t read it, please do.

Beyond my affinity for the actual story, I believe I’m drawn to this novel as a result of Larsson’s writing style. From the first sentence, I felt like I was part of the story; his way with words had the ability to transport me into a world away from my OCD. And while I don’t recommend searching for ways to avoid your OCD, there’s something comforting about immersing yourself in a different world. This has only happened to me one other time and it was when I read the Harry Potter series. So, I guess it happened 9 times.

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

New York, New York — Nine out of 10 times, I go somewhere because it brings me a sense of calm. Scandinavia, for example, has an endless array of things that make me happy. That said, I’m drawn to the Big Apple for a completely different reason: It takes me out of my comfort zone—think of it as a super-sized exposure. So, yes, it’s probably surprising NYC made the cut as a place I want to remember, but its role on my path for OCD “recovery” is something I can’t ignore. So, when I was looking for a book to represent my time in the big city, I landed on The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins, which is set there.

Pro Tip: Looking for the ultimate exposure in NYC? Walk around the city with no agenda. Just walk. Go into different stores. Smile at different people. Heck, do anything you’ve never done before, i.e., anything your brain doesn’t already have the answer to. Force it outside of its comfort zone and make it adapt.

The Wright Brothers by David McCullough

The Outer Banks, North Carolina — Two places come out on top in terms of my favorite places to visit—and somewhere I’d go again and again. Copenhagen, Denmark is the first and The Outer Banks, North Carolina is the second. So, it was important to me to find a book that perfectly encapsulates my thinking of the OBX. That book is The Wright Brothers by David McCullough. See, I love history, so when I think about The Outer Banks, I immediately think about Kitty Hawk, the Wright Brothers, and all that they did to make my adventures possible.

I also like that it’s another effective exposure I can rely on to help ease my fear of flying. Want to learn more about the strategies that make flying a breeze? Check out this infographic.

My Book Collection: An Infinite Source of Happiness

I take a lot of time to craft my collection. Not only do I rely on it as my trusty souvenir for each place, but it’s my infinite source of happiness. If I’m having a bad day, I head to my bookcase and open up one of the books. I don’t always read it, but I do always smile, and merely holding it transports me back into the magical lands around the world where I had found some happiness.

8 of the Absolute Best Scandinavian Souvenirs You Can Buy

If you’re like me, you take souvenir shopping very seriously. Whether I’m traveling overseas or domestically, I plan my trips around authentic experiences and, well, souvenirs. Some variations of “things you can only do X” or “souvenirs you can only buy in X.” When I went to Norway, Denmark, and Sweden in 2018, I did this, looking for the best Scandinavian souvenirs.

I came home with countless memories (and things) that I still rely on for happiness. Here are 8 of my favorite souvenirs from a few of my favorite countries in the world.

The Best Scandinavian Souvenirs

1. Kay Bojesen’s Monkey

Kay Bojesen’s monkey, born in 1951 thanks to the creative mind of Kay Bojesen, is without question my favorite Scandinavian souvenir. When I walked into my cozy Airbnb in Copenhagen, it was the first thing I saw; it’s the perfect souvenir if you’re looking for something truly authentic to Danish culture.

2. Hoptimist

Kay Bojesen’s Monkey is the perfect segue to my second favorite Scandinavian souvenir: the Hoptimist Bimble. Created by Gustav Ehrenreich in the 1960s, there’s a Hoptimist for nearly every occasion. I like the wooden one, but regardless of the one you choose, they’re all geared to do the same thing: spread joy and bring a smile to everyone’s face.

Looking for Hoptimist in Copenhagen? Visit Nordic Nesting on Vesterbrogade 52, 1620 København, Denmark

3. Lego

I promise this list isn’t only about toys, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include Lego. Founded in 1949 by Danish carpenter Ole Kirk Christiansen, Legos has become one of the world’s most popular toys. While I’m not one to build or collect them, I find happiness in this little guy in my living room.

4. The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you’d know I’m all-in on Hygge. While there is a seemingly endless list of books diving into the lifestyle to various degrees, my favorite, and arguably the most well-known, is The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking.

5. Glerups

I first came across Glerups in 2018 when I strolled into Simply Scandinavian in Portland, Maine. Founded in 1993 in Denmark by husband and wife, Ove and Nanny, Glerups produces, in my opinion, the most comfortable slippers out there. They’re wool. They’re warm. And honestly, one of the best investments you can make for your feet. Yes, they’re a bit expensive, but I promise you that you’ll get what you pay for. Don’t believe me? Glerups made the cut Buzzfeed and The New York Times’ list for the best slippers available.

6. Royal Copenhagen

Royal Copenhagen has largely alluded me, primarily due to its price. That said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the world’s premier porcelain makers. I mean, Royal Copenhagen is synonymous with Danish life. Unfortunately, I can’t say I own many pieces, but the handful of mugs I do have is just enough to fulfill my fix for one of the world’s oldest companies.

7. Dala Horse

The Dala horse—a traditional carved and painted wooden statue of a horse—originated in the Swedish province of Dalarna (Dalecarlia). Today, Nusnäs—a locality situated in Mora Municipality, Dalarna County, Sweden—is the Dala horse production center. The most famous are the Nils Olsson and Grannas Olsson workshops. Thought to originate in four villages in Sweden, e.g., Bergkarlås, Risa, Vattnäs, and Nusnäs, Dala Horses made their way to North America by way of the 1939 World’s Fair in New York.

8. Georg Jensen Silverware

Anything Georg Jensen will be a splurge, but if you’re willing to dive into your wallet, you can’t go wrong. Offering the highest level of craftsmanship and design, the company has been producing lifestyle products ranging from hollowware to watches, jewelry, and home products for more than one hundred years. Of course, I’d recommend heading to its flagship store in Copenhagen, but there are locations across the world (albeit none in the United States). Ordering online is an option as well.

Controlled Breathing: A 1,000-word Intro to This Mindfulness Superpower

There are far too many treatment options for someone with a mental illness. Should I see my PCP? Do I need a psychiatrist? What about meds? Does meditation work? What’s the deal with adaptogens? Is controlled breathing worth a try? And the worst part is that instituting any of these treatment methods takes time—you can’t just switch medications and expect it to work right away. The same goes for when you change doctors.

Here’s an overview of my journey to mental wellness:

In 8th grade, I went to my pediatrician right after the onset of my OCD (I didn’t know it was OCD at the time). He prescribed me something for anxiety. I saw him throughout 8th and 9th grade.
Throughout the rest of high school, I went dark. I hid my struggles and relied on sports as medicine.
Between 2012 and 2018, I saw another six or so psychiatrists and even more psychologists.
In 2018, someone introduced me to the OCD Institute (OCDI) in Boston. I applied, went through the intake process, and got in.
Before going to the OCDI, I found Dr. Wadsworth and started seeing her right away.
She referred me to Dr. Tredwell, who began prescribing my meds.

And that’s where I am today.

While I found a combination of therapy and medication that worked, I often wonder if I neglected less-talked-about options. Specifically, alternative medicine, like controlled breathing, which I was introduced to by a friend from home, Chloe Handelman, who now lives in Bali, Indonesia.

What’s Controlled Breathing?

Controlled breathing goes by many names. There’s conscious breathing, pranayama, deep breathing, and belly breathing. Whatever you call it, the premise is the same: You take a breath, exhale, and repeat. Sounds simple, right? But it can be life-changing. I asked Chole, a hometown friend who now lives in Bali, Indonesia, about her take on controlled breathing, here’s what she said:

“For the first part of my life, my emotions and stress controlled me. When I first was led through controlled breathing, I realized I had it all wrong. Controlled breathing was my gateway to feel safe in my body and mind and introduced me into ways to shift my state in real time.”

What Are the Benefits of Controlled Breathing?

Why’s controlled breathing something someone struggling with mental health should consider? Well, science.

While the definition of this type of breathwork is relatively simple, the science behind it is anything but that. Studies have found, for example, that breathing practices (like controlled breathing) can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. Said another way, consciously changing the way you breathe sends a signal to your brain that tells it to switch from a stressed state into a calm state.

Another study found that after 12 weeks of daily yoga and coherent breathing, the subjects’ depressive symptoms decreased. Their levels of gamma-aminobutyric acid, a brain chemical that has calming and anti-anxiety effects, increased.

By intervening with deep breaths, you cut off stressful breathing and return to normal breathing, allowing the autonomic nervous system to rebalance the body.

Chloe went on to say:

“Learning to breathe has changed my life. I now have a real-time tool that I can use anywhere, anytime, no matter what situation I face. Before, I felt helpless, out of control, and scared. I never felt comfortable sitting with the “bad” things I was feeling. Now, I feel empowered and confident in my ability to overcome any internal state… plus… I now have access to the information that arises from those states because I can calm myself enough to listen deeply.”

Controlled breathing is more powerful than most people think.

My First Experience

I’ve always known controlled breathing and other meditative practices were missing from my mental-wellness plan. I’ve tried them before, but the lack of instant results usually deterred me. When I’m in so much pain, it’s hard to convince myself that doing something—like controlled breathing—for weeks before seeing any noticeable results was a hurdle I couldn’t get over.

Until recently, when I scheduled a call with Chloe, who’d just made her way back to Bali, Indonesia.

It was an hour-long session (actually, more of a conversation). We talked about where I was at mentally, what I hoped to get out of our time together, and how breathwork can help.

After the Zoom call ended, Chloe sent me an overview of what we worked on, and I thought I’d share it with all of you. While this certainly won’t be for everyone, there’s absolutely NO doubt in my mind that controlled breathing, breathwork—whatever you want to call it—brings you into a state of relaxation.

Breath Watching: Use the following points of observation to ground back into the present moment and bring your awareness from your mind to your breath.

What’s the texture of my breath? Is it smooth? Is it choppy?
What’s the speed of my breath?
What’s the temperature of my breath?
What sound is my breath making?
Where does my inhale start, and where does it end?
What are other parts of my body moving?

Exhales Through Straw (No Straw Required)

Breathing at a inhale: exhale ratio of 1:2 (e.g., 4 counts in and 8 counts out) inhale through your nose and out your mouth through pursed lips. Repeat 10x and then check in with your brain. Continue as needed.

Diaphragmatic Training

Laying on your belly on a bed or floor, begin to expand your breathing down to your belly. Slowly increase the depth of your breathing. After a few rounds, breathe in your belly + ribs. After a few rounds, breathe in your belly + ribs + and chest. Continue to increase your expansion front to back and side to side. If you wish to breathe to a count for this breath, I suggest 6-7 seconds in and 6-7 seconds out. Find your sweet spot that feels good to you. Continue for as long as you like (5-10 minutes will be very supportive for deep relaxation).

Meet Chloe

Chloe is an NLP Mindset and Empowerment Coach, helping entrepreneurs and leaders navigate their subconscious minds and emotions so they can create authentic success and unlock their infinite potential in their life and work. She’s obsessed with helping her clients build radical self-trust and confidence, leading to more alignment, balance, and authentic expression.

Chloe believes in teaching her clients to use internal resources and tools, so they are empowered to maintain their own mental and emotional balance. Chloe is also a breath coach and EFT practitioner who uses breath and tapping to support her clients in cultivating more presence and balancing their nervous system so they can enjoy and succeed in the life they are creating for themselves.

Chloe Handelman - controlled breathing — **To learn more about Chloe and connect with her, head over to her** **Instagram** **and send her a DM!**

DM Chloe

Flight Anxiety: Strategies and Natural Supplements to Manage It in the Air

I could write a book about all the things that make me anxious. Flight anxiety is unquestionably the most inconvenient one considering I like to travel so much. I’m not afraid of flying, but I’d be lying if it didn’t make me a little jittery. I find that the best indication of whether or not something makes me anxious or uncomfortable in some way is whether or not my OCD spikes. Flying certainly fits the bill.

Since I find so much happiness in travel, I’ve put a lot of thought into how to overcome my anxiety about flying. This infographic outlines five of my most tried-and-true tactics. for dealing with flight anxiety.

How to Get Over Flight Anxiety with Natural Remedies and Supplements

I don’t say that to lessen the impact of flight anxiety and how terrible it can be. You can you truly “get over” flight anxiety? I’m not sure, but I believe there are steps you can take to deal with it.

Don’t Do Research

Many “cures” for flight anxiety revolve around doing your research before departure. Think Google searches like “plane safety features” and “safest airports in the world.” In theory, doing some research and seeing that there’s nothing to worry about. A good theory, certainly, but a strategic mistake that may come back to bite you.

Whenever I’m dealing with my mental health, including my flight anxiety, I look at it through the lens of ERP. The brain is a fickle beast, but I firmly believe that my anxieties are rooted in the fact that my brain is wired to fear them. By applying this approach to flight anxiety and not seeking that reassurance that everything will be ok, I’m slowly rewiring my brain—at least I think I am. So, while this won’t necessarily help conquer flight anxiety in the moment, it’s a long-term play aimed at toppling it for good.

Communicate

If you’ve dealt with any type of anxiety for any period of time, you know its signs. Increased heart rate. Sweating. Withdrawing from conversations. Sweating. These are all signs of anxiety. When these symptoms show up, it can be hard to detach yourself from them and take the necessary steps to calm down.

If you’re on a plane, this can quickly become problematic. So, in light of this possibility, I try to talk to someone about what to look for. Most of the time, this is a friend traveling with me, but it could also be a flight attendant or a friendly face nearby. By having an extra set of eyes on you, you can recognize the flight anxiety early and address it quickly.

Read

Reading never fails to put a damper on my flight anxiety. I’ve talked about this before, but a good book has the unrivaled power to transport me someplace else. Someplace where I’m not anxious about my flight.

Not convinced reading is worth a try? According to a study by the University of Sussex, reading can relax your body by lowering your heart rate and easing the tension in your muscles, ultimately reducing stress by up to 68%.

Meditate

This goes hand in hand with reading, but meditation is another great strategy for dealing with flight anxiety. In particular, guided meditations—you can get them on apps like Headspace as well as YouTube—are simple but effective. And the best thing is that you can easily do multiple guided meditations as needed, helping you guide your brain through long flights. Controlled breathing is another option you should consider.

Did You Know? A study found that meditation may decrease anxiety, especially among people with historically high levels of anxiety..

Limit caffeine

I don’t want to say limit caffeine because I think depriving yourself of something that potentially makes you happy—I’m talking about you, dopamine—may not be the best course of action.

That said, given caffeine’s effect on the central nervous system and its ability to get your brain firing on all cylinders, an alternative, like mushroom coffee, matcha, or anything with L-theanine, may help reduce some of your flight anxiety.

Sleep aids

You can’t be anxious about flying if you’re asleep, right? Right! If all else fails, consider taking a sleeping aid, like melatonin, which your body already produces naturally. Tylenol PM can work, too, which contains the Diphenhydramine, the same antihistamine found in Benadryl.

There are also prescriptions—think Ambien—but that’s for your doctor to decide.

Aromatherapy

Have you ever come home after a long day and turned on an aromatherapy diffuser and just sit in a state of calm while the stress and anxiety slowly drifts away? You can do that on a plane, too. Sort of. While you can’t bring your own diffuser to plugin, there are “roll-on” products that you can apply to your skin and get the same relaxing scents.

CBD

CBD has gained in popularity of late thanks in large part to studies pointing to its potential health benefits.

According to a survey conducted in April 2020, 49% of U.S. adults using cannabidiol stated for anxiety and stress.

In a 2019 study of 72 adults with anxiety (n = 47) or poor sleep (n = 25), anxiety scores decreased within the first month in 79.2% of them and stay lower during the study duration.

Clearly, there seems to be some merit to the fact that CBD can help ease our nerves, including those related to flying.

Note: I’m the further thing from a medical professional, so PLEASE talk to a doctor before taking any supplements, however safe they may seem.

Fighting Flight Anxiety

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 6.5% of the population is afraid of flying. While that may sound like a small number on the global scale, it actually equals over 20 million people. And rightfully so. But there are relatively simple strategies and tactics anyone can use to ease even the most anxiety-riddled brain.

A $10,000 Cruise: My OCD-Induced Compulsive Spending

A ten thousand dollar cruise to Europe, and it’s leaving next week.

That happened a couple of years ago. I impulsively purchased a $10,000 cruise. Why? Because my OCD was making me anxious and buying things calms me down. I guess that’s just my life with OCD—where irrational thoughts mingle and fall in love with compulsive spending.

I don’t think I’m a compulsive shopper or have monomania (I didn’t even know that was a word), but I think that buying stuff is my outlet; it’s my way of getting endorphins running through my brain when my OCD’s on the frits. Scientifically, it’s how I get my neurotransmitters in order.

Some people exercise. Some meditate. I spend money—a lot of it.

Let me paint you a picture. Here are a few things I’ve bought over the years. (I’m also totally going to include a snippet of rationale to try and justify the purchase.)

$10,000 Cruise to Europe: Amsterdam, Copenhagen, and St. Petersburg. Those were just three of the places I was oh so close to visiting. This $10,000 cruise was going to be great. It was a week and a half of everything I love. Travel’s my medicine, so I said, “Hey, why not?” If you’re wondering where the ridiculous price tag comes from, hear me out: I get really motion sick. Ask anyone. So, if I were going on a cruise, I’d need a balcony because apparently, that helps. I also booked the cruise a week before departure (from London, England), so I’m sure the price was spiked. My rationale? Travel makes me happy.

A Watch: I’ve always liked watches, so one day when I was feeling particularly OCD-y, I bought one—a costly one. My rationale? It was an investment that would hold its value.

A Ton of Clothes: I mean, an absurd amount of clothes. Hundreds upon hundreds of different items. Shirts. Jeans. Hats. You name it, and it’s been in my closet. My rationale? I can’t justify these purchases even if I wanted to.

To me, compulsive spending is the worst part of my OCD. Yeah, OCD has made driving next to impossible, destroyed friendships, and caused me to miss holidays with the fam. But in my opinion, dropping thousands of dollars on things I don’t even remotely need takes the cake. Granted, I return 90% of the things I buy, but it’s still a problem. All it takes is one irrational thought to pop into my head, and just like that, thousands of dollars are out the door.

Can anyone relate?

How I Curb My Compulsive Spending

If I’m being honest, spending is my way of feeling better (until I receive the item and look at my bank account). That said, I’ve developed some strategies to help me curb some of the OCD-induced compulsive spending.

I Got Rid of Most of My Credit Cards

I used to have a ton of them. Not necessarily so I had more “money” to spend, but because I was trying to build my credit. When I got my first couple of credit cards, compulsive spending wasn’t an issue. So, my accumulation of credit was a conscious step as I moved into adulthood.

That changed. Before long, I had way too many credit cards—and way too high of a credit limit. So, after a lot of dumb purchases, I got rid of most of my credit cards. I only have one now, and the credit limit isn’t absurdly high.

I’m Setting Long-Term Goals

I love to travel. Traveling costs money. If I want to travel, I have to save my money. Right? Right. This strategy is relatively simple: I plan where I want to go next, budget for it, and then write it down someplace where I’ll always see it. Like on the refrigerator.

Then, when I have the urge to purchase something, I look at the overall price, subtract the potential purchase, and then figure out how long it would take me to earn that back. Most of the time—especially with more significant purchases—the thought of having to work another month to go on my next adventure is enough to quell my spending urges.

I’m Rewarding Myself

This sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. If I can go a set amount of days without buying something I don’t need, I, well, buy something. Nothing crazy—no watches or vacations—but just enough to get my fix. I liken this to a cheat meal.

I wouldn’t need this in a perfect world, but for now, it’s helping, and my bank account says thank you.

Again, I don’t think I’m addicted to shopping. I think I’m addicted to being happy; addicted to having that feeling—or lack thereof of nothing—when I’m not obsessing over irrational thoughts. The compulsive spending has just been the price I’ve paid (pun intended) to feel better.

Exposure Response Therapy: How it Changed My Life (and How it Can Change Yours, Too)

If someone asked me how many doctors I’ve seen in my life for my mental health, I’d say about a dozen. I don’t remember the first time a doctor—of any kind—looked me in the eyes and said, “Andrew, you have a mental illness.” My best guess is that it happened toward the end of high school. For the sake of this blog, let’s say that between 2011 and 2020, I saw a dozen doctors. For the most part, it was a revolving door of psychologists, physiatrists, and therapists. For a few weeks, I even saw a spiritually based doctor. That didn’t last long; it wasn’t for me. (Although I’ve realized the impact spirituality and meditation can have on people struggling with their mental health.) These doctors and mental health professionals were incredible. The fact that I didn’t stick with them is in no way indicative of their work. They helped me. Trust me. Without them, who knows where I’d be. That said, I wasn’t getting better—it still felt like there was a missing piece of the puzzle. My OCD was still controlling me. That changed in 2019 when I got wind of the OCD Institute (OCDI) at McLean Hospital in Boston and Exposure Response Therapy (ERP).

What’s Exposure Response Therapy (ERP)?

ERP is a type of behavioral therapy that exposes people with OCD that provokes their obsessions and compulsive thoughts, i.e., they go do the things that drive them crazy.

My Story: How Exposure Response Therapy Fought My OCD

For the first time in over a decade, someone was pushing toward specialized treatment for OCD. This moment should have been enlightening. In reality, however, it wasn’t. The idea of going to an in-patient clinic was not on the top of my list of things I wanted to do. I was still embarrassed and ashamed of my OCD, so by going to the OCDI, I’d officially be admitting that something was seriously wrong with me. Of course, I’d known that for years, but physically uprooting my life and going to a hospital because I have these crazy, irrational thoughts in my head seemed mad.

Nevertheless, I made the call and began the intake process to determine if the OCDI was an appropriate next step for my treatment. It turns out it was, and I got in. The only problem was that the next opening wasn’t available for several months. That news was hard to swallow.

Here’s where the glimmer of hope started to show. At the end of my in-take call, the woman I was speaking with advised me to seek someone in the area who specializes in Exposure Response Therapy (ERP). The reason? ERP is a major part of OCDI’s treatment plan. It’s tough, and for many people with OCD, it’s a complete shock to their system. As a result, they thought it’d be best for me to dip my toes into it before going to Boston—a way to kind of prepare myself.

So, I searched the International OCD Foundation’s database for doctors in my area. To my complete surprise, I found a doctor—Dr. Lauren Wadsworth was just starting her clinic. Great. I’ve found a doctor who knows the ins and outs of OCD and ERP, and she’s right around the corner. But wait, it gets better. Dr. Wadsworth worked at the OCDI. It seemed too good to be true. What’re the odds that a doctor who’s worked at the OCDI—the place I was about to go for treatment—was starting their practice in my next of the woods? It seemed like destiny.

So, I called her and scheduled an appointment. I was anxious, in a good way, but didn’t have a really good idea of what to expect. Sure, I Googled ERP and had an idea of what it entailed, but I had no idea how Dr. Wadsworth viewed it, her approach, and how she’d interact with me. This made me anxious in a bad way.

In late 2019, I was on my way to my first appointment. I get lost. Shocker. Why would anything go smoothly? Looking back, I think anyone would have gotten lost because she was setting up shop in a building almost entirely under construction. Half of the place was stripped to the studs. Well, except for her office downstairs. While the environment definitely added to my anxiety, it quickly become clear that seeing her was going to be the best decision of my life. (Seriously, she’s a miracle worker.)

For the next year, I met with Dr. Wadsworth and dove head-first into the world of ERP. At first, I went several times a week. I did that for a month or two. Then, it was once a week. In total, I met with her and did all things ERP for about a year. It was, without question, the most challenging year of my life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Actually, I’d wish it on anyone with OCD because it’s one of the only ways to treat OCD.

As I sit here today, living on my own in a completely new city, I reflect on my time with Dr. Wadsworth at that construction site. While it was undoubtedly the most challenging and mentally draining year of my life (bar none), I can say that the work we did together changed my life. Full stop.

OCD IRL: Emily’s Story

I remember the day the chemical imbalance in my brain was triggered for the first time. It was finals week at nursing school, and I was working diligently to keep my 4.0 GPA. Then, I came down with pink eye and an infection, which meant I wasn’t able to spend the week preparing as I’d planned. I panicked at the thought of not only ruining my 4.0 streak but also of failing my exams. I was frustrated that I didn’t have control—I felt like my life was spiraling out of control.

From that point on, I decided that I couldn’t get sick, especially at critical times in my life when I needed to perform at my best. I was frozen in fear and couldn’t see past the doom. My OCD has been mainly related to contamination over the years, (but I have also experienced harm obsessions, rumination and mental checking compulsions, and intrusive thoughts). Most of my fears have been, and still are, related to the fear of dying.

It started with the handwashing. I’d wash my hands about 15 times while getting ready in the morning. They became so dry that my skin split all over, and I was always bleeding. Seeing that I’d exposed my body even more by creating open areas on my hands led me to an even deeper state of irrationality. I started showing up late to classes because getting ready became such a production. I was terrified to use the bathroom. I even dreaded touching my underwear, so I started limiting my food and water intake to reduce the number of times I’d have to use the bathroom. When I did use the bathroom, I’d have to change my clothes. Within a matter of months, my OCD progressed to the point that I couldn’t function. This was my new normal.

Then, my OCD started to manifest in different ways. A year ago, I was convinced that hanging out with my best friend, who had a roommate who went deer hunting, would give me rabies. I didn’t even trust the experts at the health department. I was convinced that I was the exception. Nobody could convince me that I was wrong. Before that, I was afraid to visit my boyfriend at school. I wouldn’t let him touch my face for fear of spreading germs or getting something in my eyes that might blind me. I made him wash his hands nonstop and would watch everything he touched to make sure I didn’t miss anything that might have contaminated his hands. I made him keep hand sanitizer on his nightstand, and for a while, I wouldn’t even sit on his bed because I was terrified of what bacteria might be on his sheets. I found myself getting angry at him for not following my directions. It was exhausting and debilitating for both of us. This went on for a couple years, and eventually, there was so much frustration between us that we ended up parting ways. I felt as though he didn’t understand my anxiety and was not able to support me. He felt as though he could not do anything right while supporting me without enabling my compulsions. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t see things the way I did, and he struggled to know how I could become so irrational and why I couldn’t just go back to being my usual self. We’re back together now and happier than ever!)

For years, I tried to combat my OCD with avoidance and reassurance. I was always Googling, seeking comfort, rationalizing my obsessions, and trying to convince my family and friends that my concerns were valid. I’d make my support system engage in my compulsions with me. I’d interrogate people for the sole purpose of ensuring my safety. Sometimes, I’d even avoid the world and potential dangers altogether. In hindsight, these attempts did the opposite of helping me. Instead, they fueled my OCD, bringing me to a state of debilitation.

Finally, it got to the point that I knew I needed help.

I found a therapist who’s been a tremendous help in working with me through Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. I also started taking medication. Routine medication and therapy have enabled me to be more “myself” than I have been in years.

I have found that although it may feel like the most challenging route to take, exposing myself to and seeking out my fears has provided me with the most growth. Sometimes facing the fears and not giving in to the compulsions feels dangerous, and sometimes it makes me feel and think that I’m going to die. But I’m still here, and I’m okay. Surviving my fears and facing them head-on has led me to see that I am, and will be, okay. I have learned to accept that I cannot control everything in this life and that I was not living because I was consumed with the fear of dying.

I have also found that my faith has helped me deal with my OCD. I’ve relied on my belief that we’re called not to live in a spirit of fear and worry but to give our troubles and anxieties over to God, as He is ultimately in control. The combination of therapy, medication, faith, and relying on my support system has enabled me to get to this point in my life. It has been the most freeing feeling. Dying is part of life, and I have accepted that I cannot control when it’s my time. I’ve stopped living in constant fear. Instead, I face my fears and refuse to give them any of my time. This process often involves telling my OCD, in my head or out loud, to just stop.

Three years ago, I’d clean my body with bleach wipes out of fear I’d been contaminated with blood, body fluids, drugs, and the list goes on. A year later, I wouldn’t even go in the same room as a bottle of bleach because I believed that touching the bottle would somehow get bleach into my eyes and blind me. Every year, month, week, there was something new. That’s how OCD works, and there will always be something new that triggers my mind to obsess about. I’ve accepted that OCD is something I’ll continue to battle, and that sometimes it’ll be harder for me to combat my chemical imbalance than others. OCD will always find something to scare me and attempt to control me, but I’ve learned that I have the power to take control of it. I’m now able to see the difference between what’s rational and what’s irrational, which has given me the strength to push through the struggles. We all have this ability—we just have to figure out how to do that within ourselves and apply it to our own experiences and lives. There is hope. It can be hard to see at times, but I promise it exists.

How I Kept My Mental Health in Check During the First Month on My Own

Again, I apologize. This isn’t the way I envisioned Strategic Wander starting. With traveling out of the question, however, this will have to suffice. Trust me. I’d much rather be exploring the practice of meditation and its link to mental wellness or meeting with an endurance athlete to understand their lifestyle’s mental toll. However, I still think this post holds true to what I’m trying to do with Strategic Wander: Create content that meets at the intersection of travel and mental health. I traveled to my new home, and I’m talking about how I kept my mental health in check during my first month here. So, it fits, right?

As I reflect on the first month in my new home, I thought it’d be appropriate to share what I believe to be the three primary factors that kept my mental health in check. Here’s what I came up with:

I Created a Space That Radiated Calm

This lies at the heart of the “successful” first month. When I can’t explore—the one thing I know makes me happy—I knew I needed to find an alternative. When you can’t really leave your house, I knew creating a space to always fall back on if I felt my brain slipping would be critical. So, I built a sanctuary in my 700 square foot studio just outside of New York City.

For me, that meant all things hygge (HOO-gah). I don’t know why I’m drawn to hygge, but I can’t get enough of it. All I can say is that hygge perfectly embodies the lifestyle I’ve found to have the most significant positive impact on my life and mental health. Maybe it’s the fact that its roots are ingrained so deep in the lives’ of the happiest people on Earth. For someone struggling with mental health, I can’t think of anything more appealing. So, while I’d rather be living life in Copenhagen or in the Funen countryside, I knew it was essential that I keep a slice of Scandinavia as close to me as possible.

So, when I moved into my apartment, I did everything I could to create a space that imitated what I fell in love with almost 4,000 miles away. That meant tons of blankets, books, candles, and nothing I didn’t need (a cluttered space leads to a cluttered mind, right?). I also have photos and mementos scattered throughout the space that remind me of that magical land.

While it’s still a work in progress, my apartment is quickly becoming a place that I can go when my brain is on the fritz, and the world is seemingly crashing down. When I’m here, I can send a message to my brain: “hey, stop worrying. We’re home. You’re safe now.”

I Maintained Relationships Near and Far

There’s plenty of science that supports the idea that isolation isn’t exactly synonymous with mental wellness. Knowing that, I made it a priority to maintain relationships and connections whenever possible. Of course, for the past month and the foreseeable future, I’ve done this virtually. It’s not always much, and it doesn’t always eat a ton of time, but a phone call or text here and there has gone a long way. I’ve played games with my cousins, optimistically planned adventures with my travel buddies, and connected with some of the fantastic staff at my apartment building. I’ve even reached out to friends from long ago who I haven’t talked to in years. Any interaction that can get my endorphins pumping is a win. These little hormones in my brain have kept me stable and grounded during what easily could have been a turbulent first month.

I Made Time Each Day to Do What I Love

For a lot of people, doing what they love is out of the question right now. Do you like watching your favorite sports team in action? Nope. That’s not going to happen right now. Do you like meeting up with your friends are the local bar? That’s a hard no. Like going to the gym? Again, nope. For many, they’ve had to put their passions on hold—the things they look forward to are no more.

Thankfully, my happiness revolves around words. For me, writing and reading never fails to bring me to my happy place. Whether I’m writing or immersed in a good book, I can rest assured knowing that doing so will transport me to someplace where I don’t worry—where the hardships of the here and now vanish. It’s a strange experience, but one I’ve relied on during my first month on my own. So, when I feel myself slipping or feel the need for an OCD-induced ritual, I grab a book or open my laptop and go to my happy place.

Caffeine and OCD: The Role it Plays in My OCD Journey

Let’s be real: the world runs on caffeine. There are many reasons why that’s true, none of which I want to get into, though. That’s a narrative for someone else’s blog. The point I’m trying to make goes no further than the fact that we love caffeine. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I started drinking caffeine-laced drinks in college. Mostly coffee and tea, but occasionally an energy drink—although I think this behavior stemmed more from societal construct than my need for the extra energy. I also think it had something to do with nervous/anxious energy. Taking a swig of something is also something I’ll do when I don’t know what to do with my hands, like on a Zoom call or when there’s an awkward pause at dinner. Is it just me? Nevertheless, I kept drinking, but never in excess. I’d say my consumption was typical of any other 20-something.

Well, that changed.

Caffeine and OCD: How it Impacts My Symptoms

I can’t put my finger on exactly why my caffeine consumption went from relatively normal to excessive. Still, thinking back, it’s likely safe to say it had something to do with my entrance into the real world. While it’s not uncommon for one’s caffeine consumption to increase when they get their first full-time job, I think what made my situation different was that everything that came with my new gig instantly bumped my OCD up a notch. More stress? Yep. Less sleep? Yep. Less time to spend with friends and family? You bet. At the end of the day (figuratively speaking), I was exhausted. I was depressed. I knew I wasn’t functioning at 100%. Caffeine was not only my way to power through the newest chapter of my life, but it was a way to make me feel better.

The excessive caffeine consumption was no doubt a way for me to avoid my OCD and anxiety, which continued for a few years. It wasn’t until a few months into my time doing exposure response therapy that I started to break down my life with the goal to see if there was something in my control that was affecting my OCD.

I looked at my sleep schedule and my exercise habits. I dove into my professional and personal life. Was there more stress than usual at work? Was I isolating myself from my support system? Was I drinking more caffeine? At the end of each day, I’d “rate” my OCD. Then, when I’d meet with Dr. Wadsworth, we’d look for patterns. After a month, it was clear that the severity of my OCD was tied, at least somewhat, to my caffeine consumption.

So, I did the logical thing: I stopped drinking it. Not all at once, but over a few weeks. By no means did I feel like I was addicted to caffeine. Like I said before, I think my consumption of it had a lot to do with anxious/nervous energy. That said, I believe that caffeine, specifically in coffee, impacted my professional career. As a creative person whose job is to tell stories, I’d be lying if I said that coffee didn’t get the wheels in my brain spinning. There’s no doubt in my mind that I was more alert and more creative when I had caffeine in my system. There’s plenty of science to back that up. However, as someone with OCD and anxiety, I knew it was in my best interest to cut caffeine. So I did.

The problem, though, was that my energy declined. I was still working the same hours, and I still had my mental health struggles weighing me down. On top of that, I saw a noticeable dip in my creativity. I didn’t lose the ability to do my job, per se, but something that would typically take me a half-hour now took me an hour. Or maybe the title of my blog post wasn’t as catchy. I didn’t have the same level of creative charisma flowing, but that was ok. I made this decision in the best interest of my well-being and I don’t regret that.

That said, as someone who relied on the mysterious powers of caffeine to not only function but also to excel at my job, I sought an alternative. However, finding that alternative has been a struggle. At first, I tried tea (I’m a long-time tea drinker). I stuck to green tea, which meant about 30-50 mg per 8-oz serving. That’s a move in the right direction, and honestly, I think I could have stopped there. I felt noticeably better, but this was an experiment. So, I kept going—and didn’t stop until I found mushroom coffee, specifically MUD/WTR. It was perfect. (According to its website, MUD/WTR contains 1/7th the caffeine of coffee and gives drinkers the natural energy, focus, and more without the jitters and crashes.) This was the coffee alternative I’d been looking for, and I’ve been drinking it ever since.

Note: I am in no way, shape, or form affiliated with MUD/WTR, nor am I receiving any compensation for saying this. I am simply trying to help others who are struggling to find an alternative to coffee to, well, find an alternative. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Update: Rethinking the Caffeine-OCD Relationship

I’ve always thought caffeine had a negative effect on OCD. Turns out that’s not the case. Recent studies show that the right amount of caffeine can actually reduce the severity of the symptoms of OCD and serve as an auxiliary treatment for OCD. Who knew? Studies seem to indicate that consuming less than 300 mg of caffeine can benefit OCD-related symptoms. If you’re wondering how much coffee that is, it’s about 3 cups (8 oz). Since reintroducing caffeine into my diet, I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my overall symptoms.

Coffee Alternative: Mushroom Coffee

Despite studies pointing to the fact that caffeine is ok for people with OCD, it’s still hit and miss. I react negatively to plenty of “healthy” and “acceptable” foods that others with OCD have no problem with, namely some adaptogens. (Yes, mushroom coffee’s popularity is largely due to the fact that it has adaptogens. For some reason, it doesn’t bother me.)

So, if caffeine doesn’t jive with you, you may be looking for an alternative. Have you considered mushroom coffee?

What’s Mushroom Coffee?

Mushroom coffee is a coffee alternative that comes from, well, mushrooms. Mushroom coffee blends dry mushrooms (extracting their beneficial ingredients) with coffee grounds. Common mushrooms used are Reishi, Chaga, Lion’s mane, and Cordyceps. In addition to its health benefits, mushroom coffee has far less caffeine than traditional coffee.

Does Mushroom Coffee Taste Like Mushrooms?

No. Mushroom coffee doesn’t taste like mushrooms or anything close. It’s earthy. If you mix in some of your favorite creamer, you’ll have no idea you’re drinking ground-up mushrooms. I promise.

Benefits of Mushroom Coffee

Aside from providing you with an energy-boosting alternative to coffee, mushroom coffee has many health benefits (according to several studies):

Immune Support

A 2019 study found that the medicinal mushroom Trametes, aka Turkey Tail and its fermented substrate show immune-activating properties.

Cancer Prevention

Lion’s mane, Reishi, Turkey’s tail, Chaga, and Cordyceps, all commonly found in mushroom coffee have been found to help people with cancer fight nausea and vomiting.

Fights Ulcers

A 2019 study found that Chaga medicinal mushrooms (Inonotus obliquus) had effective antiulcer activity.

Heart Disease

Reishi extracts may lower blood cholesterol levels, reducing the risk of heart disease.

Note: To my understanding, these studies were all conducted on animals and aren’t specific to mushroom coffees. The thinking is that the medicinal properties of mushrooms shown in other environments may extend to humans.

Why I Waited Until I Was 27 to Move Out

I get it. This probably isn’t the captivating inaugural blog post you hoped for when you decided to wander over here. Sorry, there won’t be any compelling stories of touching down in India and spending a week exploring Buddhism. Similarly, there won’t be a tale of training with an endurance athlete to understand the mental strain of that lifestyle. A time will come for that (and more), yes, but for now, you’ll have to make do with a relatively mundane story—one that chronicles arguably the biggest, and potentially most impactful, journey of my life: moving out for the first time.

So, why does this topic deserve to be my first post? Because of the journey it took me to get there—a journey that took me almost 10,000 days. Yes, you read that right: I didn’t move out of my parent’s house until I was 27 years old, almost a decade after I graduated from high school, and at least five years after the majority of my friends have already done so. Heck, some of them even have kids. Instead, I’ve been at home—the same home I grew up in.

Why? Because I just wasn’t ready to leave. And when I say I “wasn’t ready to leave,” I mean my brain was on the fritz, and I was far too mentally unstable even to fathom the idea of supporting myself on my own. And to be honest, up until recently, I was embarrassed by this. Even ashamed. With all of my friends out on their own, here I was having dinner with my parents every night. (Keep in mind that until recently, only a few people knew about my struggles with mental illness. So, from the outside looking in, it probably looked like I was living at home, well, to just live at home.) Yes, I realize this is nothing to be ashamed about, but I just couldn’t shake the stigma.

But now, as I approach my 28th birthday, I’m proud to say I moved out. More importantly, I’m proud to say that my mental health is no longer preventing me from doing something that I dreamt about for so long. While it may be a blip on life’s’ radar to some, the move (literally and figuratively) is monumental to me. That’s why I’m starting Strategic Wander right here.

I’m not going to get into the “why” and “how” I knew I was ready to move out or the strategies and support structures I put in place to make sure I was making the right decision—that post is coming. For now, I’ll leave it brief. To me, this post is more about the message than the content; it’s about letting someone know who’s at constant war with their brain, that you can find a sense of normalcy.